I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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