I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
