barbara walters just said penis...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
