just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Randomize
