her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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