Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
