You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
