My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
