jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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