Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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