his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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