I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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