i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
