So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
