I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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