someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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