I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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