So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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