sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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