so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
