Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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