Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
