Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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