Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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