I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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