The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
