Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
