Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize