the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
false alarm. still invincible.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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