Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Enjoy the penises
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize