i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
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