I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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