i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
