Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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