He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
