never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize