gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
