after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
