I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Two words: blizzard sex
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
