that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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