im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
