It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
