She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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