So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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