and you said cock pushups were impossible
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
