she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
