K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
