He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You can't motorboat a personality
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
