go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think I won the penis lottery.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
