you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
