Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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