I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
