u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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