I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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