Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
