Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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