I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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