She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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