worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She just used a chaser for red wine.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
