Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
