You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
