College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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