I met the friendliest cop last night
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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