i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize