she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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