Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
