found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
